craniumcandymovies

What Do You Mean, Lunatic?

2008-02-19T15:32:00.000-08:00

I don’t watch much TV, but tonight I caught a few shows. I like the upbeat announcer’s voice that always says, “New Episode coming next week.” But as a title came up that said “The Strike is over!” he said in his excited voice, “New Episodes coming in July.”

I know these things take time to get going again, but I don’t see the problem… you write a script today, shoot it tomorrow, do a quick edit and air next Tuesday. Whatever happened to “The Show Must Go On?”

Actually, I’m not all that serious… Making a movie takes so much time… every step of the way. It’s like moving… it’s endless… and after you pack up that last box, your stuff seems to multiply and there’s even more. Editing a movie is like that “Outer Limits” where the world slows down to a crawl around you… where for every hour that passes, actually only a second has gone by, and everyone appears to be motionless. (Kind of like waiting in line at the post office)

Well, I was happy to see a new review from “Blood Sucking Babes” on Sleazegrinder today. It’s nice when a reviewer “gets it.” My favorite line was “…Director Bowman is either a genius or a lunatic. I’d bank on the latter…” Most reviewers just stop at the “lunatic” line:

http://sleazegrinder.com/garb_2-2008.htm

I also liked “…a low-budget, blood-splattered jiggle-fest…” The picture is from the beach attack scene. Yes, it seemed like we had gallons of that mint-flavored blood. None of the actors have been able to drink a bloody mary since!

My Valentine's Date

2008-02-13T21:16:00.000-08:00

On Valentine’s Day, I want to take my date to the most romantic place in the world. Not Paris… not Rome... but the Drive-in Movies! It’s as ancient a practice as carving stone or painting on cave walls, I know, but an evening at the drive-in was really special. Now, a lot of people today think taking your date to the Drive-in was just an excuse to get out of the house and make-out. But that’s not true… it was the atmosphere – the crackly speakers, the Announcements to go get your popcorn, enjoying a movie without ever getting out of your car. It’s all about the mood.

What was great too, was that they were double features. This was a great way to see offbeat B-Movies you otherwise may not have otherwise seen. I saw lots of movies, but for some reason, a movie that sticks out in my mind… I think the last one I ever saw in a drive-in is “The Last Detail” with Jack Nicholson. A Navy kid is taken out by his buddies to have one last hurrah before he’s locked up.

Regular movie theaters today aren’t the same, but they have their own special mood, too. The feel of finding that good seat, and getting more popcorn that you could ever possibly eat is kind of a tradition. It’s so ingrained in us, that even though you’re on a diet… watching every fat gram during the week, being in a theater somehow makes it okay to pour butter flavored goop made of plastic or something, all over your popcorn – it’s all part of the mood.

Think about it - If mood wasn’t that big a deal, you could go on, let’s say… a picnic date. Why go to a park with all those ants and bugs? Why go to the beach, where you crunch down on little sand grits in your sandwich, no matter how careful you are? You really could just lay your picnic blanket out in the middle of the living room floor… but you don’t, because it’s the mood and atmosphere that’s important. It’s worth all the little inconveniences.

Why then, do we download movies on our Ipods? How romantic is that? Do you and your date huddle in close to see the screen? Do you hang the Ipod on a wire from the ceiling so you can pretend you’re looking up at the big screen? Technically, you and your date don’t even need to be in the same room if you both have an Ipod.

I guess the good thing is, that it opens up the dating possibilities. This Valentine’s Day I’m not limited to going on a date with a lady who lives nearby. This saves on gas too. I can have a movie date with a lady in Toronto… or New York, or Italy. We could download the same movie at exactly the same time. We can pop our own microwave popcorn and watch the movie together… even though we’re thousands of miles apart.

Now, there’s another thing you can add to make your Valentine’s Night special… The reaction of the person you’re with is important while you’re watching a movie… and exchanging a few laughs together during it… So you can both set up a web cam on yourselves, and glance over at each other anytime you want. I’m sure you can coordinate the start of the movie at the same time, so your reactions will be right on. With a simple microphone, you can share laughs during the movie and even some romantic whisperings. With an Ipod or cell phone, you don’t have to deal with the crunching of gravel as cars pull into the drive-in a little late or any other annoyances. It’s totally romantic… just she and I… and our Ipods watching “The Last Detail!” Technology just keeps getting better and better… I’m feeling romantic already!

Atention All Major Studios!

2008-02-12T21:02:00.000-08:00

It’s a beautiful day today and the strike is over! I am sitting here at Swork having my second cup of dark coffee, glad that the writers are happy with their deal.

As I write this, and the industry is starting up in full gear again… don’t take this as a strong hint… but it does cross my mind that people are often “discovered” sometimes just from their Blogs. You get a sense of them through their writing and might hire them. I am not pushy at all, as you know if you’ve been following my Blogs… but I am sitting here at Sworks in my grungy sweats and 3 Stooges t-shirt… sort of hanging out. I might even go for a third or fourth cup of coffee. I am enjoying myself today, but if perchance I am “discovered”… that’d be nice too!

Just to let you know, though… I’m not talking about being offered any kind of fancy studio directing job. Even though I have to struggle with a tight budget on my indie movies, I get to call all the shots and do whatever I want… I am in total creative control… so if I like a guy in my horror movie to twist slightly to the left and look dazed and drool while eaten by a cute half naked cannibal, that’s how it’ll be. Oh, of course it’d be nice to direct a studio movie, but I would need to do things my own way.

Now, Acting, on the other hand… that sounds much more intriguing! I was fortunate to play one of the most fun acting roles I’ve ever done - the gun-cradling Sergeant Bjorn Free in Scott V. Buchanan’s PSO-LA (Private Security Officer- Los Angeles). You can see the trailer here: http://PSOLA.com. It’s like the CSI Shows, but this is the story of Private Security Officers let loose on Los Angeles. I played the uptight Sergeant to renegade Security Officers played by Danilo Mancinelli and Mark Norris. Visit the site and it’ll just start playing.

Uh – I notice my cell still isn’t ringing and my kirkfilms@hotmail.com email is awfully quiet too. Well, I think I’ll go in for one more cup of coffee. You know where I am!

Messages for 6205 AD

2008-02-11T17:17:00.000-08:00

I remember after my movie Premiere of “Sex Chocolate & Zombie Republicans” ten years ago, one guy in the audience said, “I loved the movie overall, but why do the Zombies drool green gel first, then their faces turn white, while later the zombie faces turn white right away… but they never drool the green gel – they just growl? Were they part of the undead? – I’m confused.”

Hmmm… I think I probably told him that as the Zombies are exposed to air for a few days in the summer heat, they start to dry up (but actually the sale on the case of lime jello expired before we shot those last scenes.) I guess the point is that lots of things happened in this movie: Right wing zombies crash into a house during a slumber party – one rips the framed bill of rights off the wall and eats it… a conservative little old lady eats a VHS tape with a provocative picture on the cover, slurping the tape like spaghetti. One zombie kidnaps the Latina maid to take her back over the border before her fiancé arrives. In the meantime, there’s a Right Wing BBQ, where they burn books instead of burgers - books that the religious right doesn’t happen to approve of… like those crazy science books that seem to think the planet is over 6000 years old! Then, the architect father (played by me) designing a park, goes “rabid,” and turns it into a prison instead …Then, the Right wing zombies try to force their ideas on the entire world. (Sound familiar to anything going on right here today???)

Now, most people that see the movie “Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans” realize that it’s not about “Republicans” – it’s not really a political piece. It’s a satirical look at right wing fanatics – their ways, not their beliefs. Now, I’m not saying anything negative about right wing fanatics – I adore ultra conservative folks! I’m even not disagreeing with their belief that we coexisted with dinosaurs and Noah saves them all from the storm in his Ark. There are over 700 named species of dinosaurs x 2= at least 1400 dinosaurs of all shapes and sizes on Noah’s Ark with all the other animal pairs in the world, but who knows? Maybe Noah just built a pretty big ship. Let’s say 1400 dinosaurs and all other animals on the planet got along for 40 days and 40 nights on a boat… a little tough, but could work, right? Okay, I’ll have a little faith!

What the movie is about is the right wing fanatics’ insistence on censoring science books that disagree with them. Even though scientists could be absolutely crazy to think the world might have been formed over 6000 years ago in any more than seven 24-hour days, should these wacky off-the-wall scientific notions like that be censored? That “Lucy” skull wasn’t even real – it was probably a prop left behind from some low budget horror movie!

“Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans” did have more of a message than a lot of my films. Plus, in a few hundred years, when this planet Earth gets to be 6,205 years old, maybe our great-great grandchildren will look back and shake their heads in dismay, right?

Message in a Bottle

2008-02-10T19:33:00.000-08:00

As I sit here at Swork Coffee House thinking about movies, I realize that what a film is saying is more important than ever, today. Viewers are demanding messages they can relate to. Movies will endure generations after we’re gone, so their messages are really like “time in a bottle,” to later be watched over and over and appreciated. I thought about it, and what my message would be in “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” – “If your girlfriend starts rubbing jewels all over herself, strips and grows fangs, don’t try to reason with her – get the hell out of there!” How’s that?

In Curse of the Pink Panties, the message is also clear… “If you’re a model, and evil spirits inhabit your panties… compassion and understanding is sure to work better than trying to destroy the pesky little demons.” (See Photo) After trying everything, Becca plays her guitar and sings a love song she wrote to the tough gangster in her panties, and he zooms out into the air before his head explodes… kill them with kindness! Okay, maybe there’s not a super strong message in these movies. I don’t know what they put in this coffee today... I guess you should look at Cranium Candy Movies by, well… please refer to item #2 in yesterday’s post, “Blood and Guts.”

Actually though, one of the things that worked well in “Babes” is Felicity’s eerie feelings about the attacks – that cannibalism is not as abhorrent as it appears… that in nature, creatures like the black widow spider and the preying mantis devour their mates. Zack is incredulous and sickened hearing Felicity so casually and logically putting this all together. The female eating her mate alive and leaving behind an empty shell blowing in the wind… sounds a little like… marriage! Okay, just kidding there. But that comparison to facts in nature gave this offbeat B-Movie a disturbing base. Seriously, there’s no reason why a fun, wacky comedy or campy horror can’t show you something in a very unique way and make you think.

Okay… In “Curse of the Pink Panties,” one of the girls is so tormented by the demonic little spirit living in her panties, that she douses them with her grandmother’s perfume. This is a clear message about using tacky, flowery perfumes as a weapon… Well, okay, enough of this. I’m putting down the dark coffee right now, and ordering an herb tea. Next post, though, you’re not off the hook… I’m going to tell you about a wacky movie I did 10 years ago, where the message and predictions have all come true in a very scary way.

Blood and Guts

2008-02-09T17:44:00.000-08:00

We must apologize. If you picked up a copy of “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank,” and have a weak stomach, the blood and gore may have really gotten to you. The attached picture is a blood sucking babe that won’t let this guy in the bar go sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong!

Here’s a couple sentences from a random review of “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” I ran across. Dr. Gore, who reviews hundreds of horror movies, says this, “It’s as if the movie penetrated my eyes and blasted through the back of my skull. Images of babes and blood sucking were playing on the wall behind my head as my scrambled brains couldn’t keep up with the cheap carnage.”

It’s true – “Babes” just might scramble your brains a little bit. Should I put a Warning on the DVD box cover? I’ve thought about that.

There are two ways you can watch a Cranium Candy movie like “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank”:

1. Create a think-tank. Invite several scholars and insert DVD. Pause at key points to discuss the movie. “Yes, the cannibal girl had her breasts exposed in the bar for 3.4 seconds…. That seems adequate.” “Hmmm… Felicity never explains her inner feelings when she first saw a girl turn into a zombie. Now let’s analyze how the guys turn their heads when the cannibal-chick bites their necks.”

2. Listen to Dr. Gore… After a long week at work you get 5 of your rowdiest friends over – get bags of chips and the fattest, greasiest pizza you can find… and stick a large keg in the middle of the room. Put the DVD in… and get your brain blasted out the back of your skull!

I won’t even go into the details of which of the above works best, but you get the idea… Have a fun movie night!

Nudity Required

2008-02-04T22:19:00.000-08:00

Call me crazy… I don’t like shooting nude scenes. It’s a lot of work. The lighting has to be absolutely perfect, since everything’s all right out in the open. If you show too much, it could actually prevent sales to some countries since all their rules are different on what’s acceptable to be seen or not. You have to show just enough to make the viewer want to see more. A love scene is usually shot in such short clips from many different angles and dissolved together to make it more fluid and romantic. On top of worrying about all that, you have to be constantly aware that the actors are not uncomfortable or starting to feel awkward along the way.

Why have nudity? Well, for certain genres, like B-Movie horrors… that is one of their “main ingredients.” “No nudity” in a B-Movie horror would be like an action movie without the chase, or a romantic comedy with no love interest... a martini without the olive! The bottom line is, for most movies, “who is in it,” is the main selling point. Horror is one genre where that isn’t as important, and nudity kind of takes the place of the requirement of using known actors. As our friends at Maxim Media International say, “Blood, Babes and Boobs!”

I remember the moment that I took nudity very seriously. I’d shot a suspense thriller years ago – “Secret Sins” – that had some nudity in it, but not a lot. There were several reasons there wasn’t much nudity – Starting the love scene at 3am after a 17 hour day kept us from making the main love scene very long… Another nude scene came out a little too dark, plus a few other logistical reasons (this was shot on 35mm film, before there was even digital). Well, “Secret Sins” was represented at AFM, so we went up to visit our distributor at that time, in their suite at the Lowe’s. He said the Japanese buyers had just been in and wanted to buy rights to that territory for over 20K, and that they came back several times, really wanting it… but they passed because there wasn’t enough nudity. That is the numbing moment that I realized that if your genre calls for nudity, it should be taken very seriously. We made other sales, which was nice, but also lost a few big ones because of this.

Now, it’s true… Sometimes the sexiest scenes are where an actress is in lingerie… or fully clothed even… Just as long as the magnetism is there… and that’s what makes it work. There’s no actual nudity in my comedy “Curse of the Pink Panties,” for instance, and it opens itself up to a wider audience being more of a sexy PG-13 movie without the actual nudity. Some of the scenes are more provocative than if they had included nudity. This won’t work in a genre where nudity is totally expected, but in a sexy comedy like this, it works even better without it.

Our horror movie “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” – a campy low budget horror - was a movie where nudity was a necessity. I was very lucky in “Babes,” that the love scene was done by people that got along really well. Mira Rayson, who plays Felicity, is a dynamic, very pretty 18 year old actress. She had met Zack, played by Danilo Mancinelli, just 2 days before the love scene… but they were totally comfortable with it, and it really had that spark. Danilo is very professional on the set, and even within the first few hours they met, they were talking through the scene and how their ideas of how it might play. A big part of the movie is that magical love scene… and after all, the magic is what it’s all about.

If You Could...

2008-02-03T12:45:00.000-08:00

I was thinking more about movies having to do with time travel. There are so many missed moments you could pursue if you could race back and forth through time. If you had the means, would you go back to that one job interview you blew, and get it right this time? How about that person you let walk out of your life? Would you go back a few hours to the beginning of the Superbowl and change your bet to the Giants? Here’s something on a much bigger scale… How about chasing Jack the Ripper through time, as he spreads his murders throughout all ages? Malcolm McDowell plays H. G. Wells chasing David Warner in the 1979, “Time After Time.” As you remember, in this movie Jack the Ripper thought causing mayhem in different time periods would give him ultimate power, but when the sees the violence of today, he realizes he is just an amateur!

Here’s an obscure little gem of a time travel movie… it’s not an A-title, but is well done – “Time Shifters,” about a powerful Corporation in the distant future that sends high paying individuals back in time to witness disasters like the Titanic… or plane crashes – so they’re like tourists, who are then whisked safely back to their own time just before the accident strikes. It also has an alternate title, “Thrill Seekers.”

Imagine if you could go back in time to moments before a huge disaster in history… Titanic, Hindenburg… the evening of the 2000 elections (okay, sorry – just had to throw that in!) Or have you ever seen someone in a 100 year old black and white photograph that you just know is your soulmate? Christopher Reeve uses hypnosis to go back in time to meet Jane Seymour in “Somewhere in Time.”

I used the idea of timing in my teen drama “Bittersweet Lies.” Nothing to do with time travel, but one of the guys – Gary - keeps dreaming about the girl he lost and if he could only go back to that moment she drove off and save her before her impending car crash. Gary’s joker-roommate just wants to go back in time to meet Lady Godiva because he’s positive she would fall all over him. Of course, two people who are meant for each other, often miss that opportunity because “it’s the wrong time.” – Oh, and by the way… I’m not plugging “Bittersweet Lies” here, like suggesting you should watch the trailer on FilmBaby right now. This is just a Blog, not an advertisement… but… after the Superbowl, and of course the new Episode of “House” with Mira Sorvino, you’re gonna be bored, right? Check out the “Bittersweet Lies” trailer: http://www.filmbaby.com/films/2410.

I haven’t gotten any PayPals from any of you readers who may have won the Lotto last night because you read my Blog, which put you in the right place at the right time when you bought that ticket… so maybe reading this now puts you in line for next week’s Lotto? Let me know… I’ll be waiting!

It's About Time

2008-02-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

People are fascinated with movies dealing with time travel, and the idea of “what if.” I thought of that again yesterday afternoon. I was in a hurry to run some errands, but before I left the house I just had to review and print out a complaint letter to the CEO of TCF Bank about a gift card that I hadn’t used right away and it expired. Well, not only could I not get the $25, but for them to reimburse me the money, they said it would actually cost more than the $25 the card was worth. Such a simple time-waster to spend much time on this letter… I printed it to send later. Then, as I was heading down my residential street, I came upon an accident that had just happened probably less than10 minutes earlier – a beautiful black mustang looked like a matchbox car run over by a lawnmower in somebody’s front yard, and there was a burn mark gauged into the cement on the other side of the street right where I was about to drive by. It reminds you what a difference 10 minutes makes… or maybe even 10 seconds. Maybe it’s a good thing that stupid gift card didn’t work!

Of course we all love movies like The 1960’s “Time Machine,” where H.G. Wells builds a contraption that takes him racing forward in time, through the ages. That movie was so ahead of its time… It captured the wonderment of traveling through time, as well as the perils (unlike the 2002 remake that was effects, action, effects and more action.) To me, there’s something more interesting about a snail shooting across a window as time speeds up, rather than a bunch of explosions and effects… or meeting your friend on the street years in the future, only to realize it’s your friend’s grandson.

There was also a TV Show in the late 1960’s called “Time Tunnel.” Two Scientists walked down this long swirling tunnel and got sent back in time… then they got stuck. Each episode they were in a different time period, and were rescued just in time… then tossed slow motion into another time period they had to deal with. The show was way ahead of its time. Hey – I just looked it up and found out the “Time Tunnel” is on Amazon! It’s no “Terminator,” but I wonder if it still holds up.

More recently, probably after “Back to the Future,” movies about time travel evolved to not needing to spend a lot of time on building some kind of machine and explaining it. In “Frequency,” Dennis Quaid plays a short wave radio operator in the 60’s, who talks with a buddy through the static, and it turns out to be his son, 30 years in the future. The son (James Caviezel) tries to save his father’s life from impending doom. No one traveled though time, but this was a really innovative use of contact between different time periods without building that whole machine-thing.

“Sliding Doors,” starring Gwyneth Paltrow, shows a London businesswoman rushing to catch her subway. Through a momentary glitch in time, the doors close in front of her. Then, it follows her as she actually slips through the doors just in time. That couple seconds totally changes her life, as the movie shows both possibilities, following her lives. This is more along the lines of a “parallel universe,” rather than actual time travel.

The award-winning German movie “Run Lola Run,” shows Lola racing against time to save her boyfriend’s life. After the worst possible things happen, she relives the event several times. Each time, her timing is slightly different. This not only affects the outcome for her and her boyfriend, but every person she passes on the street, showing that a split second could make all the difference in the world. The good thing in “Run Lola Run,” too, is that there was no lengthy explanation… no time warp – we just accept that this is what is happening.

Who knows? …by your having spent a few moments reading this Blog, you’ll buy your lotto ticket later than you otherwise would have, and end up winning millions! (and if you do, I only want a very small commission – thanks!)

Let there Be Slushee

2008-01-28T18:29:00.000-08:00

Thanks to those of you who sent in an email for a free Cranium Candy movie. If you haven’t yet, just drop us an email at craniumcandymovies@yahoo.com with the subject, “Send me a DVD!” anytime this week. We’ll pick some names next week.

As I sit outside here at Swork Coffee, hoping those black clouds just keep moving on by without drenching me, I’m thinking of some new screenplay ideas. Supposedly there are no new ideas, just new twists on ideas… and I’m feeling lazy, so I’m trying to combine some of the great movies that have come out lately…

My new movie is about a sweet teenage girl who gets pregnant and while pondering her situation, she finds a suitcase full of money at the scene of a drug deal gone bad. It’s all told from her point of view holding her camcorder and there’s a monster taking over her town. She suffers the pains of growing up, feeling rejected, being chased by assassins, and she befriends an odd barber from Fleet Street who burns CDs and shows her old horror movies. She gets him to get rid of the monster by trying to give the creature a shave. Hmmm, still not enough… she needs to turn into a cannibal somewhere there too and grow fangs. Juno always drinks those blue slushees, so we’ll have her drill for oil too and watch her veins pop out when she yells like Daniel Day Lewis and we’ll call it “Let there Be Slushee.” “Cloverfield” got its title from the writer giving it a working title of a nearby street. I guess I’ll call my screenplay “Brand Blvd.” No – I’ll name it after a freeway… it’ll be called “210 East!” …Okay, okay, I’ll hit the delete button right now! …Done!

Well, even though that’s going a bit far, I think movies that combine lots of different elements can be really interesting. Not a bunch of plot lines, but just a nice story with a blend of comedy, drama, passion, irony, and where it’s trying to say something without hitting you over the head. Since life around us isn’t one style – it’s funny, stressful, tense, boring, etc. etc., it seems like our movies should reflect that too... right?

No Zombies, No Demons

2008-01-27T20:35:00.000-08:00

A few years back, between Zombie and monster movies, I wanted to do something different. I wrote a romance that was set around a bizarre group of Hollywood people - “Shattered Dreams & the Pretty Peach Martini.” I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right – I am known for my really really long titles.

“Shattered Dreams & the Pretty Peach Martini.” is not about the acting or glamorous side of Hollywood, it’s about a college student – Nicole - who loves movies. She longs to be a successful and respected talent agent. She doesn’t know what she’s fallen into with a bunch of angry, crazy clients. One tough goth model was jealous that Nicole got the agent position, so she wrestles her to the floor right there in the office in a cat fight. Nicole avoids a lot of her feelings, which makes things worse… She thinks she’s still in love with her boyfriend back home, but we see when she uses his picture as a coaster for her martini, that she’s not totally as serious about him as she admits.

Casting was tricky because I had definite character traits in mind. For the lead, I cast Jenny Ann Powell. She’s not a slick “model type,” but more the girl next door, friendly and a bit shy. She played a character who could go from mousie and awkward to passionate. You see that a lot in movies, but it takes a lot more than flinging off the horn-rimmed glasses and taking your hair out of the librarian bun to pull that off. Then she despises Roger, an ex-porn star, but has an intense attraction to him. For the male model, I cast Kaya, an actual model, and very strong actor – sensitive, with a Fabio-type look and personality.

Yes, given my other movies, it was tempting to chuck it all and have Nicole grow fangs on the beach and just eat the guy up… but I restrained myself!

“Shattered Dreams” was a nice shoot, but we did have some logistical problems that came up. On the beach day, we had such a long day that Jennifer was burned like a lobster. Then the next day we had to shoot the scenes that in the script took place right before the beach, so it was hard to get around that bad burn… especially since her scene that day before was a nude scene! It all ended up working out and the movie came together to be funny, sad, steamy and quirky.

You can see a clip here: http://www.filmbaby.com/films/2368

Free Movie Drawing

2008-01-25T22:08:00.000-08:00

From some of the comments I’ve gotten, most readers of this Blog haven’t seen a Cranium Candy movie… and a lot haven’t really seen many “B-Movies.” I think it’d be fun to mail out a movie to a few of you who would really like to see one and comment. I’m not interested in getting “reviews”… just if you want to write a couple sentences about the movie… not to “promote” the movie, really… just some real reactions to it or the B-Movie style in general. Plus, we’ll post your picture in the Blog too, if you want. I’ll mail a few of you a free DVD of one of our movies. Here are the basic requirements:

Must be excited about watching a B-Movie
Must be 18+
Have a U.S. or Canadian mailing address of some kind (po box is okay)
Haven’t worked for Cranium Candy Entertainment before.
Email us right now - before this Tuesday, Jan. 29.
Be excited to have your picture and/or comments posted on several Blog sites.

Just email us at craniumcandymovies@yahoo.com and tell us which one of the movies listed below that you’d like to see. (List a second and third choice, just in case, too.)

First, we’ll separate emails by region in the U.S. (and Canada), then from those, pick 4 or 5 at random…

Here are the choices of DVD –

Curse of the Pink Panties - Sexy Comedy (strong language, lots of panties, but no actual nudity)
Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank - Campy Horror (some nudity – we have very few screener copies of this one right now)
Shattered Dreams & the Pretty Peach Martini - Quirky Erotic Hollywood Romance (nudity)
Bittersweet Lies - Teen Drama/Supernatural (strong language, but no nudity)

This is a good one if you’re not into the exploitation B-Movies – more of a serious drama

Bikini Beach Bust & Into Thin Air - 2 short movies on one DVD Sexy Comedy / Supernatural teen drama (no nudity)

Revenge of Mr. Willie is going onto DVD in a couple months, but for now, you could get that or “Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans” on VHS – free. Sexy Dark Comedy / Horror Parody (nudity)

Shipping anywhere in the U.S. or Canada is free. This is very informal – not an official “contest” or anything… just something to give you a chance to see B-Movie – more than a little 2 minute YouTube clip.

Email craniumcandymovies@yahoo.com with subject “Want Movie”. List a mailing address for us to mail the DVD and several choices from the list above. Confirm in the email that you are 18+.

If you don’t like horror or sexy B-Movie craziness, and you want more of a sexy movie that’s both romantic and dramatic, “Shattered Dreams & the Pretty Peach Martini” would be good, or if you want more of a PG Teen Drama with Supernatural elements, Bittersweet Lies would be a good choice. The first 3 names we draw… we’ll include a free lg. “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” t-shirt too! Email us with any questions you might have, and thanks for reading our Blog!

Perfect Location

2008-01-23T17:36:00.000-08:00

After yesterday’s post, I was remembering some of the film classes I took from B-Movie director Irv Berwick many years ago. One story he told the class was that while directing “The Monster of Piedras Blancas,” they were allowed to shoot around the lighthouse, but there were strict rules about not shooting inside it. The city even had a security guard posted so they wouldn’t go inside. Over a couple days, one of the crew guys got friendly with the guard and took him out for a few beers… quickly the crew slipped into the Lighthouse and got a wonderful ending shot of the two romantic leads kissing. After directing some of my own low budget movies I realize how important it is to get that good shot, no matter what.

I wrote about “Bittersweet Lies” yesterday too… and I think I picked up a little bit from Mr. Berwick’s experiences. I had a friend who worked with the City Parks Department. She said she could get a good rate for us to rent the park’s recreation rooms, but the City was a real stickler about having permits for any kind of movie shoot. The park facilities were perfect – institutional-looking… grates on the windows… drab green walls with a piano in there… I just had to use it! What I did was to rent the facility and tell the City I was having a family reunion. That weekend, during the shoot, one of the City employees came around to check up on us. I was right in the middle of shooting an intense group therapy scene and when he came in and asked “Hey, what are you doing in here?” I was speechless. Usually I’m ready for the “You got any Insurance?” or “Where’s your permit?” questions… but this took me by surprise.

What saved us was that one of the actresses – Hannah Lee – was playing the part of a burned out, spacey stoner named Cydonia. She was perfectly in character as she said, “We’re having some fellowship. It’s really beautiful. Please, join us. Can we get you something to eat?” Well, his eyes widened, I guess thinking we were some kind of freaky cult ready to pass out the Kool-Aid, and he got out of there really fast.

I later found out that some groups were renting the city facilities and holding some kind of Amway-type meetings there where they took money from people… so the city was extra cautious and suspicious. Then… We needed to rent the facilities one more weekend, and then another… by this time they were really suspicious! I told them each time that we had such a nice family reunion, we decided to have a few more! I ended up having six “family reunions” in one month!

“Bittersweet Lies” was an intense, but rewarding shoot. I hadn’t worked with an ensemble cast like that for awhile. I’ve since lost touch with many of the actors, but Aasha Davis, who played Allie, played a starring role on the TV hit “House” last season. The star of “Bittersweet Lies” – Hilary Bettis - who played Brooke (the bitter girl who was a compulsive liar), has gone on to write and produce her own short movie aimed at the Festival Circuit, with a good-sized budget in New York. I sent her some sample proposals when she started this to get investors and I guess she raised a pretty healthy budget for her movie. She hasn’t offered to fly me out to play a part in it yet (hint, hint, if you’re reading this now, Hilary) but I’ll keep my phone on at all times! I have been immersed in filmmaking, and then marketing the movies… but I do miss acting at times.

Fun, Classic B-Movies

2008-01-22T21:44:00.000-08:00

After releasing “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank,” a lot of people assume Cranium Candy Entertainment mainly produces horror films… that was actually the first horror I had ever done. I like horror movies, but that’s not my favorite genre at all.

When I was a kid, I went through a phase where I absolutely lived and breathed horror movies… they used to run old B-Movies on a TV show called “Chiller.” They didn’t show the famous, classic B-Movies… but more obscure, totally cheap B-Movie horror. I remember “The Hideous Sun Demon,” where a scientist actually went through reverse-evolution when he was exposed to the sun, and turned into a prehistoric lizard-creature. “Target Earth” was fun – made in the 50’s - and “The Cyclops,” was about a giant 50 foot man with one eye. He kind-of twisted his face up and growled which was frightening and made you feel sorry for him at the same time. Do you remember any of these? … kirkfilms@hotmail.com. I also loved “The Monster of Piedras Blancas” – about a Black-Lagoon-type creature that wreaked havoc in a seaside community. Years ago I took a film class taught by the director - Irv Berwick, who told us a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that went on. I’ll tell one of his stories next Blog.

There were some movies so obscure… there was one with a giant glob/creature that looked like a big beanbag chair. It squished a skinny, weasly guy named Max, trapped in a cave… till blood poured out of his mouth. That was pretty daring for a movie on TV back then. Sound familiar? I can’t think if that title.

My movies include some horror parodies, a political satire, and sexy comedies. I like to have a variety of genres, even though most are fun, quirky movies. The most different movie I made was, I think, “Bittersweet Lies.” Even though it had comedy in it, it was a drama set in a teen suicide prevention facility. None of the girls grew fangs and ate their boyfriends. No Dawn-of-the-dead Republican Zombies tried to take over the world. It was a relationship-based story with Supernatural overtones.

Well, I’m still thinking about how to get some DVD screeners to some of you readers there… and I’m sure I’ll come up with something within the next couple days…

Cheap Shot

2008-01-21T20:23:00.000-08:00

I wasn’t going to talk about the Sexy VJ Party Girls again, but I just heard from Kurt, my editor… that he’s making good progress with editing and authoring their video. They are hosting my feature length comedy from a few years back, “CyberSex Kittens.”

Kurt leads such a different lifestyle, which I often forget when we’re talking on the phone. He is right on the U.S/Mexican border in Southern Arizona and as we’re talking this morning, one of his dogs starts barking like mad and chasing a stray donkey that walks by outside his back window. That’s an every day occurrence for him, I guess. The only donkey’s rear-end I see here in L.A. is if my former literary agent happens to walk by! (Cheap shot, I know… but I couldn’t help it). Kurt also battles with all the tarantulas and snakes out there… I’ve got to get him to start a Blog – he’d have a lot to write about!

A few years back, I used to sit right there with an editor… every moment. Now, to be able to exchange files through the mail and online and be hundreds of miles away is, I think, easy to take for granted… but it makes the whole process so much more efficient.

I hadn’t thought about this for a long time, but I used to have really long editing sessions with these editors. One of the longest was when I worked a full time job in the Valley during the week, then I’d go down to Venice, all day Saturday and all day Sunday… did this for an entire year to finish up “Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans.”

Anyway… back to the new “CyberSex Kittens” DVD… Kurt is not supposed to tell me much about the girls’ actual reviews, but he lead me to believe that they definitely liked it.

I thought Fawn and Lindsey would relate to the fact that the movie is a cat-and-mouse game about guys trying to control womens’ minds to do anything they want… then the women turn the tables on them. It’s a fun movie, but kind of deals with psychological warfare. I guess the VJ Girls missed that though, and the thing that put the movie over the top was Fawn loved where the girl opens the champagne bottle and the cork pops one of the nerds right in the eye. Gotta love those Sexy VJ Party Girls!

Real People

2008-01-20T18:58:00.000-08:00

My Co-Producer on “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” - Danilo Mancinelli - is great at finding online reviews and he even manages to dig up the smallest mention of the movie here and there. He ran across a few new reviews and forwarded them to me… some good, some bad, and some right in the middle.

I must say… I prefer “real people” reviews, actually. When they love something, they shout its praises and when they hate it, they definitely let you know that too. Sometimes one heartfelt word can say more than a whole 3 or 4 paragraphs from a “regular” reviewer. The following are real comments from real people directly from our YouTube videos as they were written:

About the “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” Preview:

this is hilllllarious!!! F-ing Lame! and i lol'd damn. that sucked. new grindhouse this is awesome my name is chelsea too! WTF???

About the “Curse of the Pink Panties” Preview:

what butts dude!! mmmmmmmmmmmmm what a ass . corrrr a ganster video?...LOL!

Some “real” reviewers have mentioned that they thought the guts look too stringy when the girls are eating Clem the Gardener’s intestines… Who is analyzing the texture of the intestines with two beautiful cannibals in their underwear chowing down on Clem? Another reviewer thought Zack and Felicity should explain the fact that guys become sort-of entranced when they are attacked… so we understand those reactions in advance. How should that dialog go?

FELICITY. Say Zack… did you notice that men fall into sort of a mesmerized trance when they first lay eyes on a Cannibal Babe?

ZACK: Why, yes. Thank you for clarifying that fact, Felicity… That would explain their trans-like reaction. Spellbound… a sort of hypnotic state… yes.

FELICITY. Hypnotic… absorbed… why yes! Yes, it certainly would! That’s what happens, Zack!

Another review mentioned that the driving scene was too long… Now, I don’t even remember a driving scene… unless somebody broke into all the “Decrepit Crypt of Nightmare” packs and did some quick editing on “Babes” – added a scene or two. Maybe in “Babes 2,” I’ll have Zack and Felicity ditch the car and ride the Amtrak for more interest???

I attached a collage of "Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank" scenes since I couldn't find any driving shots… but I’ll keep looking…

All in all, I appreciate and get ideas from reviews of all kinds… but as you can see by the totally honest, non-pretentious user reviews above (even if you can’t understand some of them at all!), straightforward, gut-level feelings – are worth their weight in gold. What do you think?

Before I close, I was wondering… I’ve been doing this Blog for about 3 weeks on several different sites. Some of the comments I’ve gotten back are from readers who aren’t really familiar with B-Movies, but they’re intrigued. I am trying to figure out a way to get some free DVDs to some of you, for you to check out and comment on… and that way you’ll know what I’m talking about with this B-Movie style, and when I refer to certain movies I produced. I’ll think about this and come up with a few ideas. If you have any thoughts too, let me know. Kirkfilms@hotmail.com Thanks.

Vampira

2008-01-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

Last week it was announced that Maila Nurmi, who was “Vampira,” had passed away. She was supposedly the inspiration for the Morticia Addams character. She also became the first big hostess in the B-Movies – a sexy Goth character… that was 1954. Some credit her for pioneering the teenage goth movement of today too: http://www.vampirasattic.com

Nurmi filed a 10 million dollar lawsuit in 1989, saying that Elvira pirated her character. Ten million is quite a lawsuit! That’s not easy to see someone doing “your character,” and becoming a hit, I’m sure… but I always looked at Elvira as more of a parody of Vampira.

Aside from Elvira and the Robots on Mystery Science Theater, I don’t know of a lot of fun hosts giving commentary on movies that have gotten really big. Maybe I should give the Sexy VJ Party Girls some fangs and vampire capes instead of letting them run around in their underwear during their reviews… oh well!

I just heard that Fawn and Lindsey reviewed a couple more movies. They had a movie night watching a drama, and they both fell asleep… the camera got 2 hours of them snoring. It sounds like they did like “CyberSex Kittens” though, but Fawn always wants to see more naked guys than girls in a movie or she threatens to give it a bad review.

Just before the holidays, I thought it’d be great to tape an interview with the Sexy VJ Party Girls. The beach seemed like a perfect setting – calm and serene - to find out more about them… but they ended up singing and dancing the whole time. Kurt Gallant, my editor at Acevideoediting.com thought he was editing an interview… instead it turned out to be a music video: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=26086525

I have to say, those Sexy VJ Girls may not be the most insightful reviewers, but they sure have some talent!

Sexy VJ Party Girls

2008-01-18T01:21:00.000-08:00

Today was still supposed to be windy with the biting-cold Santa Anas, but actually it was really nice. I’m at Swork’s, thinking about my next DVD release. Our Executive Producer on “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” – Paul Beeson - was out a few months back and his brainstorm was to get some movie reviewers to host some Cranium Candy movies on DVD. Well, I was thinking Ebert and Roeper… but he “discovered” a couple of off-the-wall college girls that call themselves the Sexy VJ Party Girls (http://Myspace.com/sexyvjpartygirls).

When we first met with the girls – Fawn and Lindsey - I asked them what they thought about classics like “Citizen Kane”… and Fawn (the blonde) said “if there’s no hot guys in it… it ‘sucks drippy eggs.’ They are opinionated and sharp… but I don’t know if they’ve ever reviewed movies before! The Sexy VJ Party Girls have just finished hosting one of my older movies – “CyberSex Kittens.” By the way… I do hate that title, “CyberSex Kittens.” It was originally “Mind Control Madness” – about a couple nerds that invent a computer program to control peoples’ minds. Our Distributor at that time wanted to make the title sound more marketable. Well, I guess whatever title grabs the attention is the one to go with. I can’t wait to see what the VJ Party Girls have to say about “CyberSex Kittens” – their DVD should be out in February. When I told them that there was a lot of nudity and a really steamy love scene in “CyberSex Kittens,” their eyes lit up… and the good thing is, that I think on the best movies of all time list, “ the Sexy VJ Party Girls removed “Citizen Kane” and put “CyberSex Kittens” in the top 5 along with “Mean Girls” and “Michael Myers vs. Freddie.” AFI won’t like this one bit!

Right Place at the Right Time

2008-01-15T20:37:00.000-08:00

Looking around the patio at Swork Coffee, I remember how we shot some “Blood Sucking Babes…” scenes right here. This is a privately-owned Coffee House, so they can let you shoot without a big hassle. Patricia, the owner is very artist-friendly too, which helps. On the other hand, trying to shoot at a chain store can be such a nightmare… insurance, paperwork, etc. Here at Swork’s, we had the run of the patio one day. It gave the movie an additional interesting new location too, instead of being like so many horror movies that take place in one living room scene after scene. Our shooting didn’t seem to disrupt anything that day, even with Felicity and Zack yelling at each other, and when a female zombie appears at the coffee house, smacking her bloody lips. Felicity chased her around the corner, but we got it in just a couple takes.

I’ve been blessed with many great locations… and interesting locations make a big difference in movies. For “Curse of the Pink Panties,” we found the perfect place for the gangster shoot-out - An actual warehouse in the manufacturing district of downtown LA. Fortunately, they just happened to have a graffiti artist paint the walls a few weeks before our shoot. It was beautiful, and the paint was vibrant – it was a little fantasy-like. There were mannequins, signs, motorcycle parts, and speakers strewn about. The owner, Tumbleweed was known for throwing big parties – like raves where bands played long into the night. It was very realistic that gangsters would actually meet here.

One for Every Mood

2008-01-13T21:52:00.000-08:00

I got an email out of the blue with new “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” art work from Maxim Media. They are the distributors that put “Babes” in a multi-pack called “Decrepit Crypt of Nightmares”, but for that, they used our original box cover art. The new cover is truly amazing – they have quite an art department over there. This new version has two white faced cannibal-girls poised for attack. I haven’t seen girls with such sharp fangs ready for blood, and giving off demonic glares since the last time an actress tried to cash one of my Cranium Candy Entertainment paychecks! … o.k. - just kidding… but you get the idea.

I really want to publish that new box cover here… right now, but the version I got is a sample for corrections, so I should wait till the final draft is finished before I post. I used to think DVD cover art was pretty much good or bad, and you should try to use the best one – the choice that best represents the overall movie… but I’m finding more important, is what mood it conveys… and one film has many moods. There are campy elements to BSB, which is captured by our original cover and this new art conveys a darker, more horrific mood… both are elements of the movie… but different approaches appeal to different people. Marketing people in the studios intently study which single box design to go with. I say… hey, just go with several. Like red wine, a gin martini or champagne – they’re all good – have them all… it’s just that each is better for a particular mood.

The Afterlife

2008-01-10T17:46:00.000-08:00

Where does your Spirit really go when you cross over to the other side? If you’ve been “good”, does it really float up through the clouds, only to be standing in front of some huge gates made of solid gold? I often think that whatever happens, there’s no reason you couldn’t take a little detour along the way. If my Spirit were able to hang out on Earth for awhile after I die, if I’ve been “good” or even “okay”… I’d gravitate toward what I like. My little Sprit would probably hide inside my Panasonic camcorder. It might jump into a tall glass of rum and coke and swim around for awhile, dodging around the ice cubes. Now, the same should go if you’ve been “bad.” What if you kick the neighbor’s cat? Does that mean you’re going to plunge down into the earth and spend eternity in a fiery cavern? Wouldn’t it make more sense that your Spirit would end up stuck in the kitty’s litter box for a couple days or something? Now that would be true Karma!

This is the premise of Cranium Candy Entertainment’s new feature-length movie, “Curse of the Pink Panties.” Gangster Spirits float up into the trees after a big shootout, only to be sucked back down to earth – right into the panties of some girls performing a séance. The girls have to rid themselves of the menacing demons before it’s too late.

See for yourself at FilmBaby.com here: http://www.filmbaby.com/films/2475

“Curse of the Pink Panties” has a lot of silly fun and comedy in it… but it also explores the question… “What if…?”

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN SMOKIN'?

2008-01-08T19:40:00.000-08:00

I’m asked this a lot because of the bizarre titles I come up with. But to me, viewers scan hundreds of titles, so it’s important to come up with a title that grabs their attention – even for that extra little moment. I try to get a viewer to chuckle, or at least wonder about a title instead of just passing it by. A few years back I was thrilled that my title “Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans” was voted best title of the year by Alternative Cinema Magazine.

“Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans” was a movie where a curse wreaks havoc in peoples’ lives, causing them to face their worst nightmares. A girl gets upset that her boyfriend always falls asleep during sex, so when she walks down the street, every man she sees, falls fast asleep on the sidewalk (Sex). A model obsessed with her complexion gets a chocolate addition, which makes her break out in pimples (Chocolate)… and finally the worst nightmare of all – the curse turns ordinary nice townspeople into white-faced Right-wing war-monger Living Dead (Zombie Republicans)!

My most recent title was a take-off on “Curse of the Pink Panther” – a play on words making it “Curse of the Pink Panties.” I wanted it to be fun, but there are so many video clips with girls running around in panties – I wanted this title to show that there’s more to it. The film is a feature-length comedy about gangsters who are in a gun battle and as their spirits ascend into the sky, girls performing a séance for good luck with their panties commercial, cause the gangster/spirits to plunge down and get stuck in their panties. The unique thing too, is that I had the actors play it straight, taking the whole thing very seriously.

I’ll talk more about my other weird titles in another Blog. I really do have reasons behind all of them… or then again, maybe it is too many of those Bombeii Saphire Martinis!

Freaky but True

2008-01-06T20:01:00.000-08:00

Several people who’ve read this Blog have asked me how I came up with the idea of “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank.” The first thing I did was to think of the catchiest title I could… something so people would know right away that the movie is campy, and a gory horror at the same time. I first came up with the title before even starting on the script, but I had a good idea where it was going.

Even though it’s campy, bloody fun, I wanted something close to reality. When the description says “based on a true story” on the “Babes” box cover, not everyone believes it. The premise that DeAnza came over to America in the late 1770’s, though, is fact… The claim that he lead his group of 200 explorers from San Diego to San Francisco is all true. They went through the San Gabriel Valley (founding the San Gabriel Mission), then to Thousand Oaks… which would have let them right through Burbank. In fact, the thing is, that with the route they took, it’s quite possible that DeAnza traveled right by the location we shot at. Here’s an actual map of DeAnza’s route: http://www.solideas.com/DeAnza/TrailGuide.

Anywhere along the way, they could have lost the famed Angela’s Jewel Box... which is the premise of the movie. At that time, in Spain, witchcraft was at its peak too. I’ll go more into that connection in a future post, but it is absolutely freaky!

A quick word of warning… if you are every hiking near the Burbank mountains, be careful if you happen to unearth an ancient, ornate-looking jewel box. If you’ve seen “Babes” already, you know what could happen!

After the Rain

2008-01-05T17:58:00.000-08:00

The pounding rain has let up for awhile. My “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” co-Producer, Danilo Mancinelli came out today with a friend of his, Cherise - who did much of the casting on Danilo’s sports movie, “Foul Shot.” Dan is celebrating the Jan. 1 opening of “Foul Shot” through major U.S. retailers. A bit early for wine, we all toasted to its success with some coffee.

I actually had a good scene in “Foul Shot” as Tom Newton, a basketball scout who is misled by the coach. That is the thing that prevents the star basketball player from moving up the ladder. It was a fun character to play and it’s great to see the movie doing so well.

“Foul Shot “ has been on Netflix for awhile and Dan, along with our Executive Producer Paul Beeson, were instrumental in getting “Blood Sucking Babes” on Netflix too. I hadn’t met Cherise before. Even though she was involved in casting, Dan had pulled me into the “Foul Shot” project himself. Cherise’s aunt, Loine Lynch is an actress and played one of the Burbank Bar Fooseball-playing Blood Sucking Babes for me in “BSB” too. Today was a good opportunity to hint to them both about doing “Foul Shot 2” – where there are terrorists loose in L.A. and it’s up to Tom Newton and the basketball star to save the world. I wouldn’t mind taking a break from behind-the-scenes for awhile!

Later, I ran a little at the secluded park I often shoot at, a few miles away, before the rains hit again. The grass was quite soggy and some college-age people were actually shooting a digital movie in the park. What a chance they took – there could have been a cloud burst any moment. They had a real casket set up, mourners and everything. Hey, I thought this was my own personal Cranium Candy Entertainment park to shoot in! This is where we had our own cemetery set up in “Revenge of Mr. Willie”. It also served as part of the woods where Wendy attacked Josh in “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” and where the girls meet the mysterious homeless genie in “Be careful What You Wish.” One of the unusual buildings in the middle of the park also doubled for the warehouse roof that the gangster spirits emerge from in “Curse of the Pink Panties” before they float through the trees.

That is a wonderful location because I had an editor once see this park in some footage I shot, and say, “I know exactly where that is – that’s the upper coast of Maine!” “Wow, how’d he know?!” (wink, wink)

Gross & Disgusting!

2008-01-04T19:38:00.000-08:00

I was excited to see I got a lot of comments about yesterday’s Blog… then when I opened them, they were like, “Disgusting!” Gross!” “YUUUUUCK!” What could I have said to get these reactions? Then I looked at the picture I posted – the cute blonde Wendy eating Josh’s arm. You know, I don’t even think twice about some of those shots… but I guess they are pretty gory. To me, when I see the arm she’s munching on, it’s just a foam prop that I see sticking out of my prop box of bloody body parts in the garage. I forget that in the picture it looks pretty alarming. Well, to make up for it, I’m going to post a nice picture today… I’ll show one from my teen drama, “Bittersweet Lies.” (This will also show you I do some “normal” movies too!)

In fact, I know that the pictures don’t appear in some of these blogs, so if you don’t see them here, you can access the Wendy eats Josh picture here: http://CraniumCandy.com/blog.htm

Let me know if you think it’s too extreme to post on general blog sites. Also, I’ll include today’s “nice” picture.

People ask a lot if I’m a big horror fan. I do like horror movies, but most of what I’ve produced are comedies or horror parodies. My stuff usually has lots of comedy in it. I was never much for the extreme violence. One of my favorite B-Movies was the 80’s film, “Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama”… a David DeCoteau movie about pledge girls are stuck in a bowling alley with a demon that escapes from having been locked in a trophy. One of the girls who turns into a Ghoul, attacks this big chubby guy and rolls his head down the alley for a strike. That’s about as much violence as I usually like. “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” actually turned out gorier than I’d first planned. Some of the effects turned out to look very real. More gruesome, realistic horror movies, like stories about serial killers etc, aren’t “escape” – they’re too real. I don’t want to ever inspire real violence from a movie I make. I figure “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” won’t inspire girls to grow fangs and eat their boyfriends… but then again, a word of warning, guys… Be careful - You never know about those Burbank girls!

These Gloomy Days

2008-01-03T21:53:00.000-08:00

Here I am again, huddled up with my coffee… and today I’m alone on the Swork Coffee patio, watching the clouds gather overhead. You can practically see the storm coming in. I really do love this weather to shoot in, though. It takes so much time to deal with the glaring sun when you don’t have a truckload of reflectors and diffusers… On a gloomy day like this you just use a few small reflectors and it takes a fraction of the time to shoot something… and the actors’ skin looks even and smooth.

Should I bang out a script and do a shoot right now before the sun goes down? I can be impulsive when it comes to shooting, but better not be that impulsive today…

Cold damp weather isn’t too much fun for the actors though, despite the fact that they look better. On an independent shoot in the hills there’s no trailer to get warm in. I remember the day we shot some of the “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank” attack scenes in the mountains it was freezing cold like this… Especially one scene where Wendy (Ker’in Hayden) is running around in the brush in her bra and panties, biting Josh’s neck (Kevin Surrey) and then full-on eating him with blood covering them both. We had a very realistic foam rubber arm that matched Kevin’s skin tone perfectly… but we needed a shot of the blood totally drenching his shaking real arm first.

Ker’in and Kevin were freezing cold, but hung in there to get a great attack scene. Cold, sticky mint-flavored blood matted in their hair didn’t help, either. I was shooting camera that day, and I even had some of the sticky blood on my fingers which was glopping on the side of the camera, too.

On second thought… I’m definitely not going to shoot anything today… I’m just fine sitting right here!

Faster Faster Faster!

2008-01-02T20:55:00.000-08:00

The hardest thing for me to get used to in blogging is that it’s so different from writing a screenplay. I’m used to setting the mood and describing the action in as few words as possible… just enough for the actors to have something to work with and still leave it open for them to add their own flair and interpretation to the scenes. The blogs I like most seem to be so descriptive. I’m sitting here at Swork Coffee in Montrose (a quaint little independent coffee house - not a chain you see on every corner.) Even though a storm is coming, it’s warm enough to be sitting out on their front patio without a jacket. Should I describe my feelings about the dark coffee – filled all the way to the top cause I hate when they leave room for cream and junk in your coffee? I don’t think so!

Especially nowadays, audiences seem to want fast - fast. I like it too. One of my favorite films is “Run Lola Run.” You’ve no doubt seen it – A German film about a girl racing against time to get ahold of $50.000 after her moped was stolen and save her boyfriend from thugs – all within an hour. No big car chases and explosions like an action movie has… but after “Run Lola Run,” everything seems too slow!

In “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank”, I was conscious of jumping right into things. In the very beginning it starts off with Samantha falling on the grass, sickened by the bloody half-eaten body parts of Clem the Gardener strewn about. Then she drops her cell right in a pool of blood. Now, flash back to Samantha and her boyfriend Gary wrestling on the bed. Instead of having a conversation about the problems in their relationship, you see exactly what’s going on when they romp in their underwear, about to kiss… and suddenly Samantha has to jump over to the computer and watch her webcast, to Gary’s great frustration. I always try to have something going on… like even when the girls are in the bar sipping cosmos and talking about the cursed jewel box, they are soon wrestling with Breck - a misogynistic bar Dude.

Jumping to my newest movie, “Curse of the Pink Panties”… I took more time with some of the scenes and developing the characters, but still was conscious of the pacing. It’s unlike any movie I’ve seen, with a style all its own. There are good character scenes, and it moves well too. A lot of this is due to my editor Erika Doss - She keeps it moving and carefully picked the very best shots.

Now, before I blog more intensely about my deepest inner feelings about my coffee here, which hasn’t cooled off a bit, and this Swork cranberry scone… I’ll spare you and sign off for today!

Cranium Candy Movies First Post

2008-01-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

Here begins my first-ever Blog – January 1, 2008. Well, it is the new year – what better time, right? I’ve been making movies for years but I never took the thought of writing about my experiences seriously. It seems like lately though, some actors I’ve worked with, co-producers, and some B-Movie fans I don’t even know, said they wanted to read my Blog.

I guess that makes sense… My low budget movie company, Cranium Candy Entertainment isn’t a 9-5 job, it’s a 24 hour a day adventure. While most people think, “1995 – that’s the year I got my big promotion, did that European vacation, got engaged...” For me it’s, “What did I do in 1995? – I cast and directed the dark comedy horror parody “Revenge of Mr. Willie” about a killer “private part” and wrote a new screenplay “Sex, Chocolate & Zombie Republicans”. What else did I do that year? Uh – I really don’t remember! My movies are sort-of all-consuming.

Why do I keep putting off blogging? I think one reason is that, of course I want more people to see my movies, but I don’t like to do a big sales pitch, “Hey, everybody – Watch my new horror, ‘Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank’ on Netflix! Check out my site now!” I don’t care about being a Carnival Barker for the masses. But the executive producer on my “Blood Sucking Babes…” – Paul Beeson, who sends me millions of emails about blogging all the time said, “Hey Kirk, just write whatever you want. If you have 5 people read it, that’s okay.” That makes sense. If I can just relax and tell some stories, that’ll be fine.

So here is the start of my Blog. Both 2006 and 2007 have been a real whirlwind – writing, co-producing and directing “Blood Sucking Babes from Burbank”… and we just had a screening of my new comedy, “Curse of the Pink Panties,” shot a horror short. I finally put some of my classic Cranium Candy VHS titles onto DVD with 2 VJs hosting them… kind of like the old Mystery Science Theater… but starring The Sexy VJ Party Girls instead of robots.

Now what all should I write about? Where do I even start? How about when I was 15 with only a learner’s permit that required an adult to be in the car with me, so I had my Mom lay on the floor while I drove her Cadillac, dragging a dummy through the streets? How about sharing how I shoot features on next to no budget? Giving tips and shortcuts for filmmakers? Funny behind the scenes stories? The first love scene I directed and didn’t know what the hell I was doing? The story about my gaffer who came close to instant death when he held live cables an inch a part that were patched into my house’s electrical box, causing the electricity to arc and blowing the power on my entire block? All of the above? Oh, and posting pictures – I have lots of production stills!

Well, I’m very open to any ideas and feedback from you – my 5 or 10 or 20 or however many readers and B-Movie fans reading this right now. Maybe this’ll be kind of fun…